Dear America,

So first, happy primary Tuesday; the day we find out who gets the honor to fight for one, of many, ungodly jobs come November; in other words, we find out who's on the front lines to kick some ass and who isn't.

Oh, I'm sorry for the french, but did you not catch that kind of language coming from our dear President today?

It was his johnny-come-lately attempt to sound like he had finally drummed up enough emotion over the Gulf Oil Spill -- for he said he is determined to get to the bottom of it, in order to find out "who's ass to kick."  So that's his new self-perscribed title now, Chief Ass-kicker; and don't forget, he's been Chief Ass-kicker since day one.

The thing is, the way G sees it, there is room for a lot of ass-kicking these days, as we are seemingly surrounded by dumb asses when it comes to running this place -- but who's counting anymore, right?

You would think that the President would have quickly discussed with BP to give all the business of their poorly run PR campaign to an American group, instead of one who's headquarters is found also across the pond, like the Brunswick Group (for all we know in the building next door to BP). 

We can only assume that at least part of that 50 million went immediately to an array of American communications companies -- who I'm sure were all too happy to hold out their hand to receive plenty of greasy, oily, dirty money from the world's latest villain, so there is a little light, right?

Does the President really think using street language we can all understand, with a kick-ass visual to boot, makes himself sound more in touch with us -- and more importantly, of the ongoing catastrophic event happening in the Gulf, as we all sit on our ass everywhere else but there?  As if the Chicago style politics is the way to go on this...did Obama's PR guy, David Plouffe, who now has permanent residence in the White House, come up with that powder puff piece of ass-kicking?  Or was that all you, Mr. President -- off the cuff and the teleprompter?

BP tried to kick ass at the start, remember?  BP came out strong, out of the gate, pointing fingers to the actual builder of the rig, Deepwater Horizon -- Transocean, as taking the sole honor of being the initial ass to kick; for it was Transocean's BOP (Blowout Prevent-er) that blew!  BP leases "said BOP" from Transocean, along with all the other hardware attached, to the tune of $450,000 a DAY -- at least, that was the going rate before April 20, 2010. A day! -- for a lease they have only had since 2007, I might add.

Do you think Hayward was a bit upset, given how much his company has spent by the day for the assurance that all was well and good; that is money down the drain and plum gone -- 52 miles out, and a mile high deep -- needless to say, money in no way, no how, well spent.  So who kicked who's ass to the curb there?  Did BP get what they paid for? 

Now, in reality, Obama has been on BP's ass since probably last week -- by all appearances.  He was forced into this position, of being on BP's ass, since about the time he began to be accused as being single handily distracted by golf, athletic awards being dolled out on the Whiite House lawn, traveling to fundraisers for people like Barbara Boxer (talk about needing to kick this pretty little ass out), and hosting White House dinners with friends like Mexico's President Calderon (who, come to think of it, gave Arizona an ass-kicking in and of itself... in front of a standing ovation in congress, si sempuede...but that would be kicking this conversation ass backwards, now wouldn't it).

You would think Obama would take advantage of the plenty of ass-kicking opportunity all the way around, and throw a little of it to the Swiss based company, Transocean, just to be fair and balanced.   But what do I know.

Part of me is also beginning to wonder just where are the American-owned oil rigs and the American Oil Companies reaping the benefits of the American waters in the gulf?  Ahh right...so now we get to Halliburton.

The primary ass to kick may be Halliburton -- for they were in the middle of plugging up the pipe just before it blew up. 

But nooooo, BO is hanging his Chief Ass-Kicking hat on all BP; in the end, BP is spending $450,000/day to get it's ass kicked every which way to Sunday and back again.

And in the end, in the environment of an administration which never lets a crisis go to waste -- in the spirit of the government knows better than you -- I'm with the government, I'm here to help -- we get the government back to making knee jerk reactions that kick the nation's economy, along with every Americans ass, where it hurts.  As if halting all deep water rigging, and any chance of getting us off middle eastern oil, is a logical, methodical, reasonable, and shows any promise for reaching a responsible, long term outlook response from a cool headed leader.

Yeah, let's go in and kick some ass first, ask questions later. (Sounds an awful lot like a health care argument, or maybe that's just me.)

And the nerve of BP fetching the Brunswick Group to help save the day to the tune of 50 million dollars? 

Who would run to the PR guy at a time like this?

A company desperate of staying in business?  Perhaps.

It's really all the same...

How about a president who is beginning to look like he's gonna blow any minute?

How about a president that is in the midst of loosing any semblance of support for any number of things...between the stimulus package, unemployment, national debt, deficit spending...lack of reaction to terrorists, over- reaction to "stupidity", to mixed reactions from charging forward a mammoth health care package against the people's will?

How about simply a president's response to the way he responds -- which is ironically swinging from either showing not enough emotion or going too far every time?

If only someone could help him out a bit...

Paging David Plouffe...

...time for a few more plouff pieces, time to get me on the road again to sell Americans on what they really really want...   How about we set out to remind people how much they really want our trillion dollar health care package, right about the time we mail out a few checks to our seniors...yeah, that's the ticket...we mail out 4 million checks, @ $250 bucks a pop, just to close the gap you know, and spend like a billion dollars! (like we all know who pays for that)...forget the fact that "the gap" will only get worse... at least this will convince everybody I'm here to kick some ass and save the day... albeit doing a bang up job kicking the can on down the road...

In the midst of the worst environmental and economic disaster the gulf states have ever faced, in the midst of unprecedented unemployment and economic dysfunction as a whole, who pray tell told BO to return to another catastrophe, like the campaign on health care?

Whoever decided that was a good idea should have his ass kicked to the curb.

Perhaps a few people are acting out on bad advice, but be that as it may -- one thing I can't help but notice is there sure is a lot of money being thrown around to do it.

Whether it be the USS FED, or an oil rig hanging out in deep water, they seem  to have one gorging reality in common -- it is much like owning a boat. And you know how that goes, owning a boat is like owning (or leasing) a hole in the water in which you pour money up the ass!

Make it a Good Day, G

And if you are one of my neighbors, you better have voted today.

My apologies for all the times I said the word ass...bad girl...which, just for the record, was a whopping 26 times.  way to kick some ass, girl....make that 27...

For ongoing Obama PR and vital propaganda, you can also go to his "independent" website, Organizing for America. I would ordinarily link such things to you, but this time I just can't bring myself to making it easy to find his a**.org.